…nothing too great.

Finally finished up Noir(anime) and it gets a resounding meh. It wasn’t bad by any means, but I never thought to myself…”Wow I can’t wait to see what happens next.” or any thing like that. It was just a lot of blah. Just interesting enough to keep you watching but not good enough to consider purchasing. If you’re a big anime fan, by all means check it out. If not, then it’s probably a pass.

Spoiler…
Kirika should have died

Igby Goes Down – Starring Kieran Culkin. The brother of the more famous yet less talented MaCauley Culkin of Home Alone fame. Sporting an all-star cast with the likes of Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, Susan Sarandon, Claire Daines(always had a thing for her) Amanda Peet, and Ryan Phillipe. Phillipe is ass, but he wasn’t offensive here as the holier-than-thou, high society, douchebag brother. I love anything Goldblum does. I’m a fan of quirkiness. All in all a decent movie. About a young man trying to find his way amongst a dysfunctional family who he all but hates. Worth a rent.

Human Traffic – Ass piled upon ass. It tried to be Trainspotting(a brilliant awesome movie that you need to see if you haven’t)…it failed. It tried to be clever…it failed. It tried not to suck…I assume…it failed. Nothing redeeming about the movie whatsoever. Near the bottom of my shitlist of films. Just pure unadulterated ass. Pass! Unless you are into self-inflicted torture that is.

Project A 2 – Jackie Chan doing what Jackie Chan does best. Fun movie, nothing overly great. Worth a rental, I’ll likely buy eventually.

Bodyguard from Beijing – Jet Li doing what Jet Li does best. Really enjoyed this one. Some good action in this one. I’ll definitely be buying.

…or just a visual representation showing that Dr. Manhattan was becoming detached from humanity. Things that we freak over, have zero meaning to him as he’s no longer with us. If you’re confused by the opening of my post then you suck for not reading The Watchmen. My opening statement is based on the movie however. I can’t believe how many people are so shallow/stupid/short-sighted/small-minded/etc. that something like a blue penis makes a movie unwatchable. He no longer felt anything for the human race. Blue penis…get over it and grow the fuck up. I’m done preaching now…so on to happy happy fun time review movie time!

Watchmen(Imax) – Better than I expected and Imax is still amazing. My biggest complaint…the horrible music choices throughout the movie. The main two being the hallelujah song during the sex scene between Nite Owl and Silk Spectre and the most out of place piece of music imo was easily Jimi’s “All Along the Watchtower”. Just came out of nowhere and didn’t fit the scene at all. What works in print does not always translate well to screen.

Overall the changes didn’t bother me too much. I think it helped that I went into it knowing it could never meet my expectations so I just enjoyed it for what it was. One other minor complaint was the fact that apparently they were all expertly trained ninjas with super strength but I could let that go too. It made the fight scenes pretty enjoyable.

Good points. They could not have picked a better person to play Rorschach. That was pretty much the greatest casting EVER. Ozymandias, Dr. Manhattan, and The Comedian were great as well. Silk Spectre was ass. All in all, I can’t wait for the DVD. If I were to rank the current crop of comic-book movies it’d go…

1. The Dark Knight
2. Iron Man
3. Watchmen
4. Spiderman 2
5. Batman Begins

Derrick Thomas…Hall of Fame. Sounds good. DT was/is my favorite player of all time. He should’ve been a first ballot Hall of Famer, no question. There was no linebacker more feared in his generation. Owns 2 of the 4 top single game sack totals, including 7 against Seattle. I don’t think the Chiefs had that many combined this year. If recently de-throned King Carl speaks at his induction, that bastard better keep it focused on DT, and not himself. Congrats DT, you deserve it!

…here’s some more half-assed reviews…

Live Free or Die Hard – Mindless, over-indulgent, small on story big on over-the-top action. Just a fun, turn your mind off action flick. Is it better than Die Hard? No, but really. What action movie is, well besides Commando. Rent before you buy.

Home Movies Season 2 – Totally overlooked piece of genius. The conversation’s between Brendan and coach McGuirk are some of the funniest moments of any show ever. Ok, maybe not ever, but they are damn funny. Hell anytime Brendan starts rambling and justifying anything it’s comic gold. The episodes with him in therapy with his dad and his dad’s fiancee are just too fuckin’ funny. With that said, it’s still an acquired taste for some. The animation throws people off right away as it’s very rough, but I think it adds to the overall charm of the show. I say definitely check it out, but don’t blame me if you hate it. It just means you suck. Here’s some life lessons from the venerable Coach McGuirk…

Coach McGuirk: Liquor before beer, never fear. Beer before liquor, throw up quicker.

Brendon: Coach, do you think I’m stupid?
Coach McGuirk: Of course you’re stupid, Brendon, all kids are stupid.

Coach McGuirk: There’s a tornado coming. So I’m gonna stay down here with the baby, you guys go upstairs and play.
Melissa Robbins: Shouldn’t we stay down here with you?
Coach McGuirk: No, it’s not safe for everybody to be in the same place during a tornado, Melissa.
Melissa Robbins: But I thought you’re supposed to go together.
Coach McGuirk: No! The rule is, Melissa, you separate.
Melissa Robbins: Are you sure?
Coach McGuirk: Yeah. If you get sucked into the funnel and everyone’s separated it’s just like a fun ride. But if you’re all in a group, in a cluster, you start banging into each other, then your heads collide and you die.

Coach McGuirk: Melissa, get in there and replace Janeane.
Melissa Robbins: Coach, my arm’s broken, remember?
Coach McGuirk: Your *arm* is protected by a cast. It’s safer than it was before, now get in there.

Coach McGuirk: Life sucks, Brendon. That’s your lesson. Go enjoy it.

Coach McGuirk: Brendon there’s nothing wrong with lying to women. Or the government. Or parents. Or God.

Back to the reviews…well…not really a review. More like a comment.
Hard Boiled – Asia’s Clint Eastwood, Chow Yun Fat blowin shit up. Need more be said?

That is all…for now.

Yeah, totally done!

Rejoice! Herm Edwards has been fired…finally. Bad news, the Chiefs are possibly looking at Chan Gailey as a replacement. Which would just be going from bad to worse. Former Broncos coach Mike Shanahan is apparently another we’re looking at. I’m not so sure about that, though if anyone can right the sinking ship that is Larry Johnson, it’s Shanahan. As long as we don’t hire Gailey things can only get better.

Chiefs fans rejoice! After the Chiefs embarrassing loss to the Charger’s yesterday, the first casualty of this atrocious season is the resignation of King Carl who is now in his 19th year of a 3 year plan. The resignation is effective immediately after the season and it’s about fucking time. Now we need Herm Edwards and his horrible playcalling and even worse clock management to tender his resignation.

While I’m on sports, a very fond farewell to the greatest pitcher I’ve ever seen. Greg Maddux retired a couple weeks back after an incredible career. He was by far my favorite pitcher to watch. I just wish I had gotten to see him pitch live. There was nothing better than being a Braves fan during the heyday of the big three of Smoltz, Glavine and Maddux. It’s amazing, and a little depressing, that we only got one championship during that time. Damn you Eric Gregg! Oh, I remember and will never forget how he gave Florida that series. Anyway, goodbye bulldog. Thanks for the memories. And with that, I’m out.

This time, the above average Part 1 offerings. There will be spoilers, so if you don’t want to be spoiled you might as well move on. We’ll start with comics.

First up is the Ultimates Volume 1&2 – The Ultimates is a re-imagining of many Marvel comic favorites…and not so favorites. The Cast includes Nick Fury, Captain America, Iron Man, The Hulk, Thor, Hank Pym(Giant Man/Ant Man) his wife The Wasp, and in minor roles, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Hawkeye, and Black Widow.

The tone is a little grittier than some comics, and some of the super heroes aren’t so super. For example, the Hulk goes on a murderous rampage. The Ultimates are Ultimately forced to execute The Hulk. Dr Hank Pym is a wife beater, even going so far as to send an army of ants after his wife while in her Wasp form. The Thor side story was fun and actually made me like him(wasn’t ever a fan). And the overall story arcs of both volumes were pretty good. I say pick up the graphic novels and give them a read.

Next up, Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter – Guilty Pleasures – I’ve never read any of the Anita Blake books, hell never heard of them until this comic was released. The story is set in a place where Vampires, werewolves, and all kinds of creepy crawlies exist. Vampires are now “out” among the public. Anita, a necromancer and licensed Vampire Hunter is hired/blackmailed by the Master Vampire of the city to investigate a series of Vampire murders. She does so, and in the process gets into a whole lot of shit. If you’re into Vampires at all, check it out. Not sure if it’s available in Graphic Novel form yet. So you may have to acquire it through other means. Ebay, comic shop, *cough*demonoid.com*cough*

And the last post in part 1 of Above Average Media…an actual book…though it is Star Wars.
Star Wars: Darth Bane – Rule of Two by Drew Karpyshyn – Not near as good as the first one, but it mostly focused on his apprentice Zannah who I just couldn’t get into at all. It was still a good read and I really enjoyed the ending , but I had high expectations after the first Darth Bane book and Zannah didn’t deliver. So while it’s still above average, it was also disappointing in some respects.

Still left in Above Average Media reviews…
Live Free or Die Hard
Home Movies Season 2
Outlaw Star
Hard Boiled
3:10 to yuma

And by British, I of course mean reviews. Books, comics, games, and movies…mostly movies. While on my “vacation” I had lots of time for movie watching and did just that, as well as read a few books and comics so over the next few weeks, I will be reviewing said media. Upcoming for review…

Ultimates V1-2
Anita Blake – Vampire Hunter – Guilty Pleasures
Star Wars Darth Bane – Rule of Two by Drew Karpyshyn
Legacy of the Jedi 01 – Legacy of the Jedi (by Jude Watson)
Jedi Apprentice 01 – The Rising Force (by Dave Wolverton)
Chuck & Larry
Sansho the Bailiff
Live Free or Die Hard
Superbad
Home Movies Season 2
Boondocks Season 2
Outlaw Star
Hard Boiled
Election
Clerks 2
Replacements
3:10 to yuma
The Kingdom
Band of Brothers

I”ll start with the bad and mediocre. The bad being, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry”. I laughed a total of two times during the movie. It was just one long gay joke. The only saving grace…oh I think you know. Jessica Biel’s fine, fine ass. In the immortal words of Adam Sandler in the movie Billy Madison…”Soooo hot, want to touch the heinie.” That might be the best ass in Hollywood.

Want to touch the heinie

On to more bad. Next is the boring, pointless, uninteresting pile of literary feces by the name of “Legacy of the Jedi” (by Jude Watson). It was a 3 part series. After reading the first, I skipped it’s sequels. So bad. Nothing more needs to be said…skip it!

On to mediocre, we have the straight to DVD “Big Stan” starring Rob Schneider. It had everything I like in a comedy. It was crude, politically incorrect, violent, and nonsensical. It also had Bob Sapp, Don Frye, and Randy Couture in it who are all big names in MMA. Also stars Jennifer Morrison(House) and David Carradine. It’s not a movie I’d buy, but worth checking out with some friends.

And one last mediocre. Jedi Apprentice 01 – The Rising Force (by Dave Wolverton). It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t good. Hence…mediocre. I’m just gonna copy&paste a review I put up elsewhere…
“Much better(referring to the craptastic “Legacy of the Jedi), but still a bit slow. Gave some pretty good insight into Obi Wan and Qui Gon Jinn’s early relationship and how he came to be Qui-Gon’s Padawan. Nothing terribly interesting.” If you’re bored, it’s raining, the spank bank is empty, the electricity is out, you own the book, and have nothing else to read…give it a shot. But don’t go out of your way to read it.

And that’s it for today. Live long and prosper…or don’t, whatever.

Well, it looks to be another loooong year for Chiefs fans. Croyle is one of the softest quarterbacks I’ve ever seen. Of course he’s not helped by our piss poor line.

Dwayne Bowe is NOT a number 1 receiver. No real number 1 receiver drops 4 fuckin’ passes. And if said number 1 receiver does drop 4 passes, he doesn’t give an interview after the game and nonchalantly say “he played OK.” He should be pissed at himself. Let us know how he’ll never let that happen again. But no, he’s apparently comfortable at being a failure. Well there’s no wonder Carl Peterson likes him so. Peas in a pod. What are we in now? Year 19 of his 3 year plan?

The defense looks pretty good however. Not impressed by our new middle linebacker, but liking our secondary…for the most part. Our d-line is a work in progress.

Only real bright spot was Jamaal Charles and the ever steady Tony G. Larry Johnson just isn’t what he used to be and that worries me, but we’re stacked at that position so not a big worry.

With all that said, at least we’re not the Raiders…HA!