This has been my daily mantra every morning for like 3 years. Sure there were some days that were okay. Sprinkles of hope here and there. There was Tiffany, which at the time seemed amazing, but seriously. That was a fucking nightmare. Yay me! I got to fuck a lying, drug addict. And that was the highlight. The only thing keeping me going is the fact that I have kids. Kids that need and depend on me. If they weren’t here I’d have been gone long ago. I’m not living life, I’m just serving my time. Thing is, I don’t have any motivation to change that. I just don’t care. At one point there was the motivation to change. Again, it was a woman. She pushed me to improve myself. To be more than a glorified babysitter. That I had a future. But as with all things, I fucked that up too. Insecurities, trust issues, age issues. I just felt she could do so much better than me. Eventually she did. And I’m happy for her. Honestly and truthfully. Do I wish it was me making her smile? Of course. But it was not meant to be. She’ll do amazing things.
So here I am again. Alone, and hating life. “Serving my time.” Doing 10 to 15 years for the crime of apathy and disinterest. Needless to say. Apathetic Man is back and there doesn’t seem to be any changing that this time.
Positive note. I’m reading and watching shit. I’ve got nothing better to do, so I may update this more…we’ll see.
Until next time…fuck you very much…and I still love you…