Yesterday I was sad, depressed, poor me, woe is me. Just a sad little man. Today I wake up grumpy and angry. I could be happy, but I’m not. I’m not because of a decision that I find asinine. Why should two people be miserable when they could easily be happy. Then I think, maybe it’s because I’m the only miserable one. Maybe she isn’t feeling the same pain. She may hurt because she hurt me, but other than that, she’s ok? That would explain my perceived coldness I feel coming from her. Maybe that’s the real Tiffany. I don’t know what’s worse. That she loved me and continues to love me and we’re not together. Or that she never loved me and just toyed with my emotions. Actually, I think it’s the not knowing which one it is.
Then I think. What do her peers and family think? Did they play a part? Did she go to anybody and convince her this was the way to go. Do her kids care? Did they have anything kind to say when it ended? Did they console her, or just shrug and walk away? I don’t know. I’m just not in a good place right now. I mean we could be together now. Helping each other. Pushing each other to be better. Summer’s coming up. Could be getting to know Connor and Clair better. Maybe if they knew me better. Maybe if they saw how happy me and Tiffany made each other. What if I had talked to them? Told them how much I loved their mother. Of course this is all based on the assumption she loves/loved me….
My mind is not a good place to be today.