I gotta say it was a pretty good night. I may have had a taaaaad too much and when it hit it hard. But during this, we had some real meaningful conversation. We had some inappropriate conversation as well ;). I said some things I never would have said had I not been drunk. They know way more intimate detail than needs be lol. I also sent an inappropriate text or two before the phone was taken away from me by my cousins lol. Probably a good move.
Besides the inappropriate talk, we had some really positive conversation. There were some tears shed by me but it wasn’t all negative tears. It reaffirmed just how much I love the lady. But I came to other realizations as well. That if she’s not willing to be there for me body, heart, and soul then I need to step away. I’m worth it and if she can’t see that then her loss. I’m 100% sure of my love for her. And I’m 100% sure that I’m ready to spend the rest of my life with her. But if she can’t commit for whatever reason. Whether it’s fear, her kids, or she just doesn’t feel the same amount of love that I do. Then I have to step away. It hurts too much to try and just be her friend when I love her so much and that love is not returned. I do believe she loves me and that’s what makes this so hard. The fact that we love each other…yet we’re apart. For no good reason other than fear. No betrayal on either party, no big fight. Nothing but we’re not together. I was talking to a good friend, one I probably don’t deserve, and she explained it perfectly. “Without the hurt there is hope, and that’s not fair.” I can’t hold on to that hope forever. It’ll fucking destroy me. So again. If she can’t be there for me body, heart, and soul then we need to move on. I know I’ll never find another Tiffany. One who gets me, and accepts me for me. Someone who doesn’t see a man in a wheelchair, but a man. I also know I can’t hold on to her with the hope that she’ll “come around”. It’s not fair to either one of us.
I’ll know very soon where we stand. Then the healing or rejoicing can begin. I poured my heart and soul out. I’ve done what I can. I hope she sees that.