Fuckin’ why!? No seriously, will someone fuckin’ tell me why Keanu fuckin’ Reeves is hell bent on sucking the life out of me. He’s the most unfathomable movie “star” in the history of fuckin’ ever! Hands down, the worst “big time” actor, again, in the history of fuckin’ ever. Now he’s going to play one of the coolest characters in arguably one of the greatest anime’s ever.

Who are they going to get to play Vicious? Bill S. Preston Esquire? I know. Katie Holmes can be Faye, Paris Hilton as Julia, and that annoying screaming bitch from War of the Worlds for Ed. Or even better, how ’bout Vin fuckin’ Diesel as Jet. Oh wait, we forgot to “blackify” it and inexplicably change one of the character’s to someone with a darker complexion. Cuz you know, black people are cool. You didn’t know? Well we are. What’s Cedric the Entertainer up to? Maybe he’s available for the role as Vicious. While we’re at, lets just go ahead and make Ein a fuckin’ CGI monkey.

Serenity now!

I fuckin’ hate Hollywood.

For those not in the know. Keanu Reeves will be playing Spike Spiegel in the live-action Cowboy Bebop…and it will suck big, hairy, sweaty balls.