Current Mood: Sad

Not much else to say on the subject that I haven’t already said. Got the news about a half an hour ago, that she passed away.

I Love you Grandma…I’ll never ever forget you or your strength or your love.

Current Mood: Depressed & Sad

As you probably know, my Grandma is in her last moments. They’ve removed all the machines and it’s only a matter of time. She’s held on for four days since then. Today, my mom tells me that Grandpa wants me to call her. That maybe she’s holding on because she needed to know I’ll be alright. So I did, and it sucked. I could barely get the words out I wanted to say. I told her I loved her, how much I’ll miss her. Without her, I’ll have no one to talk to, and that I’ll be alright.

But I ask myself, will I be alright? Right now it’s hard to believe that to be the case. I imagine in time I will be. It just hurts so much right now…

Current Mood: Bad & Depressed

A couple days ago I had the oddest conversation I personally have ever had. If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile you probably know, I’m not a fan of she who shall not be named’s insignificant other. Currently he’s still in jail, but out of nowhere he called me yesterday. What’s odd about it, is in the 5 or so years he’s been with she who shall not be named, we’ve never once had a conversation. Our conversations consisted of “wanna play a game or somethin?”. Followed by mono syllabic answers, and cursing under our breath when something doesn’t go right in the game. Yet, when he called, we actually talked. He asked about the kids. He sounds like he’s doing well. He’s in treatment, taking some classes, and generally sounds positive. It was quite the shocker. The oddest thing…he told me he loved me. I was completely dumbfounded as it caught me so off guard my initial response was to chuckle a little. Then he repeated it to show his seriousness and I responded in kind. I know, probably a bad move considering I barely like the dude. Maybe he is changing, maybe this stint in jail, coupled with the loss of custody made him re-assess his situation in life….orrrrrrrrr maybe he’s full of shit, and is as good a liar and manipulator as she who shall not be named. Time will tell I guess. I will say, I was impressed by how he sounded. He seemed to have a pretty positive outlook on the present and future…he seemed to be doing shit tons better than she who shall not be named. We’ll see…we will see.

In other much, much more depressing news my Grandmother had another set back yesterday night after having one of her better days. It doesn’t look good. She needs another surgery which the doctors feel she likely will not be strong enough to get through, but without it, there’s no hope. It’s a lose/lose situation with very little hope and it sucks. I don’t know what else to say…or do. I just try to keep myself busy. Don’t let my mind wander. Unfortunately for me, I’ve been home by myself quite a bit as my mom and family are at the hospital. I just can’t do it(go to the hospital). Everybody handles this type of situation in their own way. I prefer to keep to myself. Other’s just confuse the situation for me more, make it more difficult to deal with. I’ll get through it…Somehow, I always do.

Moving on…The kids have completely regressed since she who shall not be named got a full day pass/visit(previous post). Tayonna is just as she was when all this initially started. It’s so fucking frustrating. Tre isn’t listening for shit. I just don’t know. I’m not cut out for this parenting shit. I’ll continue to do what I need to do, but I won’t be happy about it.

In other news…we leave for comic-con in 8 days for a much, much needed vacation. I’m out!

Current Mood: Bad & Frustrated

…and she who shall not be named. So, somehow she got a full day visit for 4th of July. I admit, she’s apparently done well for a week leading upto the 4th but really? You clean yourself up for a fuckin’ week after doing jack fuckall for 3 months and you get rewarded? The legal system is broken beyond repair.

In the day and a half, I said maybe 50 words to her. The kids were so bad. Especially Tayonna. She completely regressed to the Tayonna of old. Not listening to anything…at all…ever. Tre was bad but not as much. His biggest problem was every time he didn’t get his way he told her he never wanted to see her again. Which I talked to him about.

The worse part, other than Tayonna being a total hellion, was she who shall not be named constantly trying to guilt the kids into doing stuff with her. It pissed me off. A lot. Her parenting needs a lot of work. If she was father of our nation, we’d be a 3rd world country. She slept almost the entire day Friday. It just was not a good time at all. Yet to see how it’ll effect the kids. Tre’ seems to be doing alright. Who knows. Anyway…

Side note…Comic-con is less than two weeks away bitches!

That is all.